Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
