Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He passed out mid-signature
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
