I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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