I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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