I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
