I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
