I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
