i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
