you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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