The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
