Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize