Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dick very happy bro
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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