my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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