end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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