Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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