And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize