Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
as a side note pls kill me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
