Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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