Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
