the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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