So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
