i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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