am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
