I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize