You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize