You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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