oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize