how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
