Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
