My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
