Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
