And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
