His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
