i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
