I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
