Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
