Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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