Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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