I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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