im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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