Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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