I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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