my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
