i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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