shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
