I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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