i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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