My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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