Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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