You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
