I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
