I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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