WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
