I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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