I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
