She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
