You smell like a Billy Joel song
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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