The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
