we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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