I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
