so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
