He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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