You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i love accidental penises.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
