i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
