after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
