god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize