if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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