I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
