im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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